The Self-Mastery Model is a 7 step creation based on my own experience (and has seven levels which appeals to me personally). While some steps build upon others, the aim is to take a holistic view of bringing self into authentic alignment and integrity.
It all begins with self-awareness. This is the hardest part, because it essentially involves holding a mirror up to yourself and asking: what role am I playing in this? Am I sitting in cause; being a victim, blaming others, complaining “why me”, offering excuses and justifying my behaviour? Or am I at cause; owning my shit, being the best version of myself I can be, choosing integrity and taking full responsibility and accountability for my words, actions & behaviours? And if you choose to take the path of growth… you may not like the answers very much at first (or ever)! Of course it is easier to blame others for our misfortunes, for making us feel a certain way… insert any other label of your perceived wrong “here”. But that is a cop-out; and in the deepest part of who you really are – you know this to be true. You know that the ONLY way to make a difference in your own life is to begin by taking full responsibility for your own feelings, your emotions; full accountability for all your deeds and actions… total responsibility and accountability for your “absolutely everything”. Do some serious soul searching, discover who it is you really want to be, and then take the necessary steps to become that empowered person… and do it for YOU!
Self-responsibility can be a harsh task master at times, and on your journey to self, there will be days that are more challenging than others (without a doubt). While working on the inner self, there is still the rest of the world going on around us, carrying us along in it; demanding our attention, our time, our energy. We can become so busy “dealing” with “stuff” and being pushed and pulled by others’ needs and demands that we can easily forget to take the time to tend to our own wellbeing. It is not selfish to make sure you are taking care of yourself above all others… in fact, it is absolutely critical. How can you give your best to others if you are not at your best? And while you might secretly wish that somebody would do it for you… that is not their responsibility – it’s yours! Only you can give yourself permission to put yourself first. Find out what soothes your soul, calms your mind, makes your body feel alive and healthy, brings you into balance. Nurture and care for yourself, and take responsibility for making it a priority… go spend time alone in nature, do some yoga or meditation, fuel your body with healthy foods, soak in a bubble bath, have a regular massage. Do the things that please you, nourish and replenish your energy, make you feel good about yourself.
Who do you want to be? What are the things you value above all others? What motivates you to be the best version of yourself? At the end of the day, you can talk until the cows come home, but your actions and behaviour define who you really are. Are you confident in your personal power? Do you have the resilience to continually grow & change? Not everyone will like you… ever! So stop caring about what other people think and focus only on what is happening in your own back-yard. Investigate the archetypes that resonate with you. Research the ways in which you can elicit your strongest values and beliefs. Get really clear about what they are and let them be your guide, your compass. Become so strong in this definition of who you are are that no one can shift you from your truth. That doesn’t mean you can’t redefine and refine who you are as you learn & grow… but at the very least KNOW exactly what makes you tick (including the shadow side) so you have a firm foundation on which to work. Without it, you are like a ship without a rudder… and it will be all too easy for others to sway you.
This is probably one of the hardest steps… Learn to love yourself first. Forgive yourself, stop beating yourself up. Embrace your inner bitch (or bastard) – because even s/he has so much to offer you. Check you internal dialogue, and be kind in the things you say to yourself. Again, this is up to you – not any body else. If you expect someone else’s love to complete you or make you feel better, be prepared to experience the lessons that will point you back to yourself… every single time! Let the baggage go… including people and things that no longer serve your higher self. Give yourself the best possible chance to succeed! Do the things that make you feel good about yourself and work towards high levels of self-esteem. We all have bad days. But don’t let those less than perfect moments consume you and become your reality. Acknowledge them, learn from them and move on. Accept that you will sometimes make mistakes – that too is absolutely part of why we are here. Only when you are able to accept and love who you are – warts and all – can you work towards the peace and contentment you desire and deserve.
In my experience, there are two parts to expressing yourself. One is about finding your own voice and being able to speak your truth. This links back to your values and what is important to you… knowing with absolute certainty what your personal truth is – because it is 100% valid! It also stems from knowing and accepting that truth – and then being congruent in words and actions. In this way, you are absolutely aligned and being authentically you. It can be hard, it is definitely challenging at times – but it is so worth it. So… speak your truth; even if your voice shakes!
The second aspect is to find ways to truly expresses who you are. What lights you up? What activity allows you to loose all track of time because you’ve become so immersed in it? What gift/s have you been given? What is your passion? These expressions of self form a significant part of who you are. Is singing your passion? Then sing your heart out – often! Do you prefer creating a form of art? Then build time into your schedule – and do it! Whether it’s debating, designing, dancing naked in the moonlight, drama, driving, digital photography, drawing, do-it-yourself… whatever it is – get in there… and express yourself 🙂
Spend time every week in reflection. Again, a couple of suggestions in this space. Firstly, meditate daily if you can; just stop and allow your mind and body to be still. It provides an opportunity to unplug from the daily stress of life and brings calm and peaceful energy to you. It also gives you an opportunity to listen to what it is your soul would like you to know (after all, it knows better than anybody else what the right thing is to help you in the here and now).
Secondly. journal your thoughts, desires and plans. Use this as a learning tool. Note what went well during the day or the week, and the areas you want to do better. The ability to reflect, process and then apply new learnings helps us to grow and make better choices. Sometimes the things we need to have brought into our awareness to facilitate growth can be confronting. Reflection is a beautiful way to understand tough lessons, explore out next steps. or open up to new things we hadn’t considered before. Self – reflection allows the mind to become curious, and curiosity leads to answers.
Whether it is reading a book, attending a seminar, watching a documentary, researching things that interest you, learning about a different culture, starting a course – look for ways you can expand your mind, body & soul, People who are self-aware always take the time to expand their minds and stretch out of their comfort zones. Don’t blindly trust everything you are told. Do your own investigation with a lens of continually developing and improving yourself. Rather than sit mindlessly in front of the TV (you can do without the mass mind control), continue to explore, learn & grow. Take information that resonates with you and progress it – you never know what learnings may help you on your path. There is so much information out there… the possibilities are endless. So, keep an open mind and you might be surprised where it takes you!!
Love & light xxx
This above all: to thine own self be true (Shakespeare)